Zo's Reviews: The Turning



I...what? I mean...huh...? So I just got out of The Turning and...I guess...it's a movie? There's moving pictures...and dialogue...and people.......I think....? So, where to even begin with this...oh, right...

The Turning was directed by Floria Sigismondi and stars Mackenzie Davis as Kate, a young woman hired to be a tutor? Nanny? Uh...let me check my notes here...ah, a governess (lolwut) at a...big friggin house...to take care of two kids, Flora (Brooklynn Prince) and Miles (Finn Wolfhard). What Kate doesn't know, is that there are sinister (OOOO SCARY!) things happening at this place and...yadda yadda, creepy kids, maybe ghosts, maybe losing her mind, etc etc etc. I don't know guys, I can't take this one seriously, at all. I have to make fun of it, because that's the only entertainment I got out of watching this piece of crap.

Let's start with some of the way this movie was put together before I even get into my "why this movie sucks" rant. The cinematography...is complete garbage. Sure, the characters are shown in this movie, and one would think it's competent enough, but there are some spots where the character goes around a corner or something, and the camera lingers oh so slowly in the hallway before finally catching up to them, and it's like...why does this happen so often? I don't get it. Next up is the music, which is okay for the most part, but then it gets interrupted by 90s (why is this called a "modern" take on the novella The Turn of the Screw but it takes place in the 90s???) rock music. Oh, and then by the end of the movie, that music is gone in favor of 2019 rock music, oh, and then during the credits we get some modern f*cking alt-pop music! It's like, PICK A F*CKING ERA ALREADY! Phew... The cast is capable enough, but they were just so...flat that I didn't really care what was happening to them on screen...like at all. Now I just said I didn't care about the cast, but let me point out that I am a huge fan of Finn Wolfhard. He Wolfed VERY Hard in this movie. He put out his 110% effort and was easily the best actor in this film. But not even that young talent could carry this friggin garbage.

Let's talk about the plot for a minute...of which it was confusing, boring, and hard to follow. There was little to zero explanation for a lot of the things, of which you weren't even shown or given a jump scare to actually be terrified about. I'm okay with a movie leaving it up to the viewer's interpretation, but this time around it just felt really f*cking lazy. There are moments with this creepy spirit with long sharp fingernails (see above photo) and there's like...no explanation for why that's there, why it exists, or why we should be afraid. Then Flora (by the way, Brooklynn Prince is adorable and I want to adopt her) is afraid to leave the grounds cause she'll die...but there's no reason or explanation why. Like...why is she afraid? Give me SOMETHING DAMMIT! Then...then there's the fake-out jump scares. There are PLENTY of fake-out jump scares. And dream sequences that are meant to make you jump...but they don't because after the first three times, you're expecting it. Also, none of the scary bits from the trailer are actually in the movie, which is a damn shame because that would've made the movie maybe a bit better. The other problem was that when they actually do show you the thing you're supposed to be terrified of, the cinematography is so bad, you can hardly make out what you're seeing because IT'S SO GODDAMN DARK IN THE F*CKING HOUSE THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE IT! Or you just don't care because it's like fake-out after fake-out right before you see the thing, so you just don't give a crap anymore. And then...the ending...this f*cking ending. It's so confusing. Like, first we get an ending that makes sense, but OHHH NO! It's a fake-out y'all! This is a twist you see! A DAMN TWIST! And it makes zero sense. Absolutely none. It doesn't even end. It just kind of...stops. End credits. Go home and drink a bottle of whiskey to forget this damn thing even f*cking exists.

Guess I don't need to rant about why I hated it...but maybe, somewhere out there, there are people who will enjoy this movie. So, as always, I implore you to check it out for yourself...but for me? This is another January piece of garbage. It's so damn boring...and not scary...at all...

Final Grade: F

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